Are you ready for a transformation? Pack your bags and prepare for an enlightening journey into the realms of love, relationships, and mental health in this episode of the Quality of Love podcast. Your host, Tyrone Dixon, is your guide, taking you straight into the heart of the "NARC Free Zone." We rip off the veils, exposing the raw truth about narcissistic relationships and shedding light on ways to heal after such experiences.
It's not just about being in the room, it's about making an impact while you're there. This wisdom, shared by Tyrone, sets the tone for our exploration of dating, especially for those who are yet to experience the highs and lows of a romantic relationship. In this session,
Tyrone also lends his expertise to one listener's question about responding to an ex-girlfriend's unexpected reach out. Later, we break down the five essential ingredients for a thriving, enduring relationship. By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with valuable insights into the labyrinth of relationships, and the tools to navigate them with grace, patience, and resilience.
Your quality of love = Your quality of life #Peace&Love
Are you ready for a transformation? Pack your bags and prepare for an enlightening journey into the realms of love, relationships, and mental health in this episode of the Quality of Love podcast. Your host, Tyrone Dixon, is your guide, taking you straight into the heart of the "NARC Free Zone." We rip off the veils, exposing the raw truth about narcissistic relationships and shedding light on ways to heal after such experiences.
It's not just about being in the room, it's about making an impact while you're there. This wisdom, shared by Tyrone, sets the tone for our exploration of dating, especially for those who are yet to experience the highs and lows of a romantic relationship. In this session,
Tyrone also lends his expertise to one listener's question about responding to an ex-girlfriend's unexpected reach out. Later, we break down the five essential ingredients for a thriving, enduring relationship. By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with valuable insights into the labyrinth of relationships, and the tools to navigate them with grace, patience, and resilience.
Your quality of love = Your quality of life #Peace&Love
You're listening to the Quality of Love podcast, your home for all things love, relationship and mental health Hosted by nationally certified life and relationship coach, tyrone Dixon. Welcome to the Quality of Love podcast. I am your host, tyrone Dixon, nationally certified life and relationship coach, husband, father to two beautiful princesses and CEO and founder of a Roastew Concrete Consulting. Thank you all for taking the time out to listen in with us tonight. I really appreciate it. I've got another question and answer episode geared up and ready to go for you all and we're here to expose some of them narcissists that are in relationships. So I think it's safe to say that you've now entered the NARC Free Zone, the NARC Free Zone. Before we get into those questions and answers, as we do on a weekly basis, let me give a shout out to everyone that has liked, subscribed, downloaded, giving me feedback, shouted me out in public, especially in terms of my most recent interview with Eddie Mitchell Jr, who's truly an inspiration to the community, central New York community and I always he's branched out to a few different other states, but really just just an inspiration. So if you have not gotten the chance to check it out, please go back and check out my interview with Eddie Mitchell. He has great things going on. His story is that of legends really. So give him his love, give him his flowers and if you happen to see him out, give him a shout out and let him know that you appreciate him and the work that he do, because he does a lot of great work for the youth in our city, in the city of Syracuse.
Speaker 1:Back to the regular schedule program and know today's quote. It actually is a quote that I came up with relatively recently and I think this quote came about as a result. I actually I don't think I know for sure that this quote came about as a result of my experiences being a black man working in environments that black people don't typically see high levels of success in and I'm not going to go into detail in particular or about any any role, consulting opportunity or anything like that, but I find that when you are in a position where to quote the great Gwen Webber McLeod when you are in a position where you're either the first to do something, the unexpected person to be in a role or working with an individual organization or it's new, you just bring a newness A lot of people that are in power or in positions of influence and have power, they expect you to just be happy to be present, right, just be happy to have this role, just be happy that we looked out for you, gave you extra money, so on and so forth. I find that when you are in those positions you can't just be happy to be there because people expect you to be happy to be there. So I say to people that are in roles of either achievement of opportunity if you're new, if you're the first, this to a role, first man, first woman, first, whatever to a role. The quote that I have for you is don't just be happy to be here, make an impact while you're here.
Speaker 1:Once again, that quote is don't just be happy to be there, right, or to be in a situation. Make an impact while you're there. Because, again, those people that are decision makers, quote, unquote, or have the influence in that environment, they're expecting you to come in and maintain status quo. Don't be that person. Be the person that makes it better for the person that steps up into the role, right. So if you're the first into a role, make it better for that second person and then third person that steps into that role and don't allow our societal structures to maintain status quo. Right? Because when you do that, what you're doing is you're not only obviously limited in yourself and the impact that you can have on any environment, but you are perpetuating a lot of the systemic barriers that are in place, right? So when you are fortunate enough, blessed enough, selected enough to be in a position of power, influence, opportunity, don't just be happy to be there. Make an impact while you're there. All right. Once again, just to reiterate, you've entered the narc-free zone.
Speaker 1:So we're going to sit here and answer some questions that we were sent in from our audience regarding narcissistic behavior and relationships. We're going to help some people out today, y'all. Question number one how do I heal from a narcissistic relationship of four years? Once again, that question is how do I heal from a narcissistic relationship of four years? First thing I would say that you have to do is give yourself some grace.
Speaker 1:Within that four-year period, within that frame of your life, I'm sure, being that you've identified your partner as a narcissist, you find yourself having compromised a lot of the things that you do, or a lot of the things that make you happy, including, but not limited to, isolating yourself from your social support network, maybe giving up things that you enjoy doing in the hopes that it creates happiness for your partner. Ultimately, it didn't. So I would say the very first thing that you have to do in most situations in which you realize that you are in a relationship with a narcissist is give yourself some grace. Understand that you're not a bad person. You're not stupid. You're not any of these things that are mine.
Speaker 1:Because our mind wants to blame something or someone. Because most of the times we're alone after a relationship with a narcissist, our mind naturally blames us for what happened, or wants to blame us for what happened and all the things we could have done in a relationship that we didn't do, and all the things we should have done in a relationship that we didn't do as well. So give yourself some grace is the very first thing that I would say. Second thing that I would offer up to you as something to do is try to reconnect with your social support, and when I say reconnect with your social support, be authentic with them and let them know your experiences and how you basically end up losing yourself within a relationship with a narcissistic individual. Anybody that's truly your friend, truly loves you and truly cares for you. They'll be receptive and understand that and then you can start to rebuild your community, so to speak, because I would imagine there's some damage that's been done within your relationships, especially if you have siblings. A lot of times when a narcissistic individual takes a sibling away from other siblings, there's a level of bitterness and animosity that comes into that situation. So if you have siblings or parents, family, guardian, anybody that you've not connected with since you've been in a relationship with a narcissistic individual, second thing I would offer you to do is reconnect with them, because you'll start to get a sense of yourself, or the old version of you back.
Speaker 1:Then the third thing I like to say do is this is an excellent time to reacquaint yourself with yourself. And when I say reacquaint yourself with yourself, figure out what you want to do, what are the things that you enjoy doing. If you don't know, again, this is an excellent time. We're talking about being at ground zero right now, right? So this is an excellent time to go ahead and discover what you want to do, what you enjoy doing. And then the fourth thing I always say is exercise, right, get some exercise in. Try to get as much exercise in as possible, even if you're not an exercise buff like many people, I would offer that you just consistently schedule walks for yourself. There's nothing like movement that can shift your mood, right? So if you're in a negative mood or if you find yourself down, you can move around, take a walk, move from one place to another and literally shift your mood. So that's the fourth thing. I know I said finally fourth, but I got one more.
Speaker 1:Study narcissistic relationships, right. Study things that you've experienced, some things that narcissists do, so that you don't end up in a situation where you're then, once you're healed, once you're ready to go, once you've taken that time and given yourself some grace, you enter the dating world and you still fall susceptible to some narcissistic stuff and narcissistic behavior. So study narcissists, figure out what makes you attracted to those individuals from there, create a non-negotiable list to make sure that you never connect with those type of behaviors again. And I give it some time and I think you'll be good. Question number two depending upon the state of your relationship, going no contact can cause a narcissist to cause you bodily harm? Once again, that question is depending upon the status of your relationship, going no contact Can cause a narcissist to cause you to have bodily harm.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, yes, I, I. I think people nowadays especially, are extremely unpredictable. So if you do go no contact with a narcissistic individual, it may lead to some physical abuse and and for that I say and I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything Anybody who knows me, especially when it comes to defending oneself, I'm big on that right. So a Lot of people, a lot of coaches, would tell you oh, go get a restraining order, so on and so forth. Yes, I'm gonna tell you to go get a restraining order just to keep your physical from from having to experience harm, but I'm also going to tell you to go get your gun license. I Know that seems harsh, I know it seems like an extreme reaction from an individual who's a coach, but I've seen way too much to ever think, especially in regards to Individuals that are narcissists, that can't let go in relationships. I've seen way too much. So the best thing that you can do is defend yourself if, if you have to right, let's hope that I never gets to that. But if you go no contact with a narcissistic individual, I can tell you for sure there may not be an ends that this person won't go to right, including physical, emotional abuse, including Smaring your name right, telling everybody it's your fault, that the relationship didn't work out. It's just no ends that this person can go to. So I always say go too far when it comes to protecting yourself and, specifically speaking, to going too far. Protect yourself by arming yourself with a gun in case an individual tries you.
Speaker 1:Question number three do narcissists ever know your mind? Once again, that question is do narcissists ever know your mind? Absolutely not. They can manipulate you into thinking that they know what you're thinking or know your mind, but they don't. That's just a manipulation tactic that they'll use to try to keep control. Now, with that being said, they may know your behaviors and they may know your patterns, and that can be confusing, because you may think that they know your mind and they don't know your mind, right, they just know you'll typically behave in this way when you have a certain, a certain experience, or you'll act in a certain way with when you're faced with certain circumstances, right. So They'll get you into those situations and claim they can read your mind. But no one can read your mind.
Speaker 1:I would invite you to even you can play a game with this narcissistic individual who's saying that they know how to read your mind too very easily. When they say they know what you're thinking or they know how to read your mind, throw a curveball in there right, do something that you wouldn't typically do or say something that you wouldn't typically say, and watch how they react. I bet you any amount of money. They fly off the handle emotionally Because they know that you you kind of figured them out right and they you, you are at least awakening To their mind control in the games they play in terms of mental gymnastics. But no, to answer your question flat out, no one can read your mind. They probably just are having awareness of your behaviors that you consistently display in your habits, right? So that's pretty much how it works. But that's with any human being. If you pay attention long enough To a human being, you'll pick up on some of their behaviors, some of their habits.
Speaker 1:Question number four how do you really hurt an ex-narcissist? Once again, that question is how do you really hurt an ex-narcissist? The best revenge and I'll always say this, I'll say this till my very last breath the best revenge For a narcissistic individual is picking up and moving on with your life, if you think of revenge in any other regard. So if you think of Getting revenge on them would be slashing their tires or breaking out windows or getting into a physical altercation with them, you're absolutely wrong. Narcissists feed off of all of those kind of overt type of behaviors. Where you're where you're, it's almost as if you're Signaling that you want them or you still have a level of love and care for them by your behavior, because you're acting out or you're having an emotional response. The best revenge, the best way to hurt a narcissistic individual, is to move on with your life and do not give them the time of day. That will cause them a mass confusion, for sure, but it'll also cause them to understand and know that you're really serious. People who go back and forth with narcissistic individuals don't understand this is because they get to an emotional state. But the reality is the narcissistic individual enjoys that and they feed off of it because they know they can still get Some sort of emotional reaction out of you. So if you really want to hurt this narcissistic person, live your best life.
Speaker 1:Question number five is it possible to make a narcissist suffer? Once again, that question is is it possible to make a narcissist suffer? Man, we on that, we we trying to hurt some people all here tonight? Huh boy, oh boy. Similar to to question number four same kind of response. If you're if you're really looking to Harm this individual emotionally, not physically if you're really looking to harm this individual or make them suffer, the best thing that you can do in all narcissistic relationships or narcissistic situations Is leave that person alone. Right, leave that person alone. Let that person go ahead and find another supply or another individual that will feed into some of their behavior and some of the characteristics of their behavior as well.
Speaker 1:If you think that making them suffer is Overtly doing something right. So having an emotional reaction again slash attire, fighting Verbal altercations, any of that, then you're just wrong and you're playing the game the wrong way. Frankly, because that narcissist person Loves that. They feed off of it and in their mind they're like, yes, I still got him or her right where I want them. All right, my relationship folks. I did not forget about you at all at all.
Speaker 1:Question number one what is the dating scene like for 28 year old man who has never had a girlfriend? Once again, that question is what is the dating scene like for a 28 year old man who has never had a girlfriend, brother who, woo, I've been told and I've just seen for myself that at 28 you gonna have an interesting time. I won't say anything negative, but you're gonna have an interesting time trying to find you a girlfriend in this day and age. Because, from what I've heard on in the individual that I've ever coached Friends of mine that are currently single, it's a completely different world. When it comes to dating, the whole idea and concept of Cording is out the window. A lot of people are looking for, like that, instant gratification, the instant kind of Love, instant feelings. A lot of people call it the microwave society, where it's just like you want to quick and fast. That may work for you, I know, just just for me personally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that that's that would be rough, that would be a rough scene, it would be a rough environment because I I think, Just specifically speaking to the behaviors that I I've displayed in the past not currently it would make me not trust too many people In regards to a relationship, right, I wouldn't know what's going on. It's just it's it for me. Again, it is an uncomfortable feeling to Know that people are completely comfortable being a side chick or a side dude and then also comfortable coming home to you and laying in your bed to meet us, like that's all, ultimate betrayal, ultimate like it again just does not Provide a breeding ground for trust is the biggest thing for me. Now again, brother, I got you, I got both sides of the coin for you. So Also, no gentlemen right now, in this moment, in this season, that are thriving in that kind of environment because they love that right, they love the non-committal relationship, the friends with benefits is what we used to call it back in the day the. We can have sex right or we can have sexual intercourse and not have an attachment to it or not want an attachment to it, because I Just think that's a lie, it's gonna be a taxing at some point in time, but to not have the attachment to it, yeah, that's again, it's two sides of the coin.
Speaker 1:Right for, for those that are looking to be committed and in long-term relationships I think it's a bit of a struggle nowadays and for individuals that are non-committal or don't feel like Marriage or lasting relationships is something that they've ever wanted or ever envisioned. Man, it's, it's, it's your world. Man, it is. And I don't have any judgment either way because, like I said, I have friends that that are either married Right and happily married, like myself, and I have friends that are enjoying the space of being a bachelor. I guess I'll say right.
Speaker 1:So it's a personal preference thing, but I will say, considering that you said that you never had a girlfriend before and you were never in a serious relationship, one of the things that I'll give you a heads up on is you want to be Extremely strategic about how you move right. So don't be one of those people that that fall in love quick, right, or even if you feel the feeling of love, don't don't feel like you have to say it or let that feeling subside for a while before you throw yourself out there, because you're gonna experience when you do start dating. You're gonna experience a wide range of emotions and I'm sure there's gonna be a woman out there that that gravitates to you and you like her energy and vice versa, and then you'll start dating right and for someone who's never experienced a girlfriend, that can be a big deal like fall ahead over hills and love with that person. But yeah, be careful, be extremely careful with that, because you're going to experience a lot of new emotions and a lot of those emotions I personally feel again. This is just in my personal opinion. It's best to get those out, like in the teen years. So experience your first girlfriend, experience, heartbreak, so on and so forth, so that by the time you are 28 years of age, you're able to process those feelings in a healthy way and in a healthy manner. But I would love, love for you to keep me updated and since, shoot me over an email to TQLP, to zero at gmailcom, and let me know your experiences and I'll personally offer to help you. Help you with any dating tips and dating advice that you have, because we certainly don't want to set you up for failure, brother.
Speaker 1:Question number two why would my ex-girlfriend who has a new Boyfriend contact me to ask me how I am doing, leading me to believe there might be a chance for us to reconcile, only for her to threaten me with restraining order the second time when I reached out for her to her, excuse me with hope that we will reconcile? That is a loaded question. Once again, I'll slow it down. Why would my ex-girlfriend who has a new boyfriend contact me to ask how I am doing, leading me to believe there might be a chance for us to reconcile, only for her to threaten me with a restraining order the Second time when I reached out to her with the thought of reconciling in mind. I Think you, you jumped the gun frankly. You know, I'm straight shooter man, I'm straight shooter. I think you jumped the gun a little bit. She may have had.
Speaker 1:She may just genuinely love you, frankly, and I don't blame you, this is not a judgmental. Well, I don't want this to come across in a condescending manner, either judgmental or condescending manner, because it happens, right. That's. That's again that human experience where we, we just want to be back in the same situation, or we want to love on that person again and she's moved on, yes, but she cares about you, right? So I think in this situation, she would reach out to you to ask how you're doing, because she genuinely care for you and genuinely has love for you. She just doesn't love you in a way that she feels like you should be in a relationship, and I frankly think that you should respect that. It's tough as it may seem, is as difficult as it may be in the moment, the reality is I'll always say this our ex is our ex for a reason, right, there's something that happened in that relationship that caused it to not be successful, which is not, is not foreign to any relationship, right? I think it's like 65 percent of relationships now Don't end up being successful long term, but it's, it's the nature of the beast, right for you.
Speaker 1:You, I would go back and I would apologize and I will let her know that. Hey, this is I. Just I experienced a rash of emotions when you reached out to me and I thought that you were reaching out with the hope of reconciling in mind. Now that I realized that's not the case and you were genuinely just reaching out to me to check on me, I want to let you know that I'm doing okay, but then I would also be taking a step further to be honest with you and I would ask her not to contact you again or to allow you to be the person to initiate contact going forward. If that's the case, because You're at an emotional state, where You're you? The door still open for you. Frankly, frankly, my man, the door still open for you and that window can be a long one and it could be a while Before it closes, right? So don't, don't set yourself up for failure. She has a boyfriend, new boyfriend. She's moved on. When she reaches out to you, let her know. Thank you appreciate it, but right now you're not in the state to be friends with her because your mind is still thinking in terms of reconciliation. God, that's a tough one, man. That's all we have for you all tonight.
Speaker 1:Don't forget to hit us up at TQLP To zero at gmailcom with any questions that you have for our weekly question and answer episodes. Once again, that's TQLP to zero at gmailcom. Any questions and that's you have for us will have them answered. Also, we got a couple of interviews on tap. I'm there's a gentleman by the name of Sean Herndon that I recently met. He's wrote a book. He wrote a book and I think it's releasing soon, but I'm looking forward to interviewing this gentleman. He has an incredible story, so be on the lookout for that over the holidays in the next couple weeks. I also am working on a, a, a Nice episode for you all to release during the holidays With, with a renowned individual from our community, a gentleman who I have a ton of respect for. We're gonna talk relationships, we're gonna talk family and a lot of good stuff, man. So we got a lot of great things on tap. Thank you all again for for being attentive, paying attention, for listening, subscribing, downloading. Keep it up. We'll keep it up from our end as well.
Speaker 1:Don't forget those five ingredients to a lasting relationship trust out the gate. Communication when I speak of communication, I'm talking in terms of dialogue, so you speaking and actively listening as well to your partner. Knowing your partner's love as well as apology languages, so not only knowing how to love unknown, but then also knowing how to say sorry in a way that they know that you care or you actually value them. Number four Adaptability. Right, so the ability to shift with the ever-changing dynamics that are present or will be present in your relationship. Rather, that's marriage, children, parents getting involved in your business, siblings getting involved in your business, just being able to adapt and adjust as things change. And, last but certainly not least, unconditional acceptance accepting your partner for who they are, but then understanding and knowing that they're working to be the best possible individuals, that they can be long-term. That's it. Don't forget everybody who can hear my voice this evening. The quality of love and relationships that you have in your life Will determine the quality of your life. Peace and love.