When Sean Herndon stepped out of his comfort zone and embarked on a journey from Syracuse to New Jersey, and then Charlotte, he didn't just change his location but his entire perspective on life. In our heartfelt conversation, Sean, an inspiring author and entrepreneur, peels back the layers on the significance of therapy within the black community, shares his personal evolution, and the transformative power of facing our fears and insecurities head-on. This episode isn't just a story; it's a mirror held up to the complexities of our own growth and the stigma we often battle against when it comes to mental health.
Tackling the heavy weights of grief and loss, we navigate through the universal experiences that bind us all. As men, we're taught to shield our vulnerabilities, yet here we embrace them, revealing the healing that comes from being open and the solace found in a genuine connection with faith. But it's not just about the inward journey; we also cast a light on the art of setting healthy boundaries with family and loved ones, a necessary step to fostering relationships that are not just enduring but nurturing.
Closing the loop, our discussion shifts to the ingredients that make for lasting relationships, where trust, communication, and adaptability aren't just buzzwords but the very foundation of deep, meaningful connections. Far from being another cookie-cutter conversation, this interview with Sean Herndon unearths the overlooked life skills that can empower us to build the relationships we deserve and reminds us that the quality of love we give and receive is what ultimately shapes the tapestry of our lives. Join us for a journey that promises more than insights—it offers a roadmap to the heart of what makes us human.
Your quality of love = Your quality of life #Peace&Love
When Sean Herndon stepped out of his comfort zone and embarked on a journey from Syracuse to New Jersey, and then Charlotte, he didn't just change his location but his entire perspective on life. In our heartfelt conversation, Sean, an inspiring author and entrepreneur, peels back the layers on the significance of therapy within the black community, shares his personal evolution, and the transformative power of facing our fears and insecurities head-on. This episode isn't just a story; it's a mirror held up to the complexities of our own growth and the stigma we often battle against when it comes to mental health.
Tackling the heavy weights of grief and loss, we navigate through the universal experiences that bind us all. As men, we're taught to shield our vulnerabilities, yet here we embrace them, revealing the healing that comes from being open and the solace found in a genuine connection with faith. But it's not just about the inward journey; we also cast a light on the art of setting healthy boundaries with family and loved ones, a necessary step to fostering relationships that are not just enduring but nurturing.
Closing the loop, our discussion shifts to the ingredients that make for lasting relationships, where trust, communication, and adaptability aren't just buzzwords but the very foundation of deep, meaningful connections. Far from being another cookie-cutter conversation, this interview with Sean Herndon unearths the overlooked life skills that can empower us to build the relationships we deserve and reminds us that the quality of love we give and receive is what ultimately shapes the tapestry of our lives. Join us for a journey that promises more than insights—it offers a roadmap to the heart of what makes us human.
Your quality of love = Your quality of life #Peace&Love
You're listening to the Quality of Love podcast, your home for all things love, relationship and mental health Hosted by nationally certified life and relationship coach, Tyrone Dixon. Get back relax and get tips on creating the life you deserve without wasting any more time.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Quality of Love podcast. I'm your host, tyrone Dixon, nationally certified life and relationship coach, husband, father to two beautiful princesses, ceo and founder of a Roastew Concrete Consulting. Thank you all for taking the time off to listen in with us tonight. We really appreciate it. Man, we got another special episode geared up. Y'all said y'all wanted interviews. Y'all said y'all wanted to hear from other people. So we got some other people here tonight.
Speaker 2:Another powerful, powerful gentleman who just wrote a book. We'll get into that. He has a lot of great things going on in his life, mr Shawn Herndon. I'm gonna allow him to introduce himself in a second. So before we do, y'all know we kick every episode off with a thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you to everyone that subscribed and downloaded and listened to the Quality of Love podcast. We truly, truly again appreciate it. We're up to about 52,000 downloads overall right now. So good space, great space. We've been functioning for three years. So thank you to everyone who's listened, subscribed, given us feedback, let us know how we're doing. We appreciate that. Keep that coming. Keep it going. Again, the love is always appreciated. But without further ado, man, let's get to the topic of discussion tonight. An author, a gentleman who's moving in a world who's shaking in the world. I'll let him introduce himself, give him a little background audience to kind of how he's functioning and what he has going on. We're definitely gonna get into his book Lifesavers and Self-Help book. I've read it myself. The transparency in that book, y'all highly recommended, highly recommended. But we'll save that for later. We'll save that for later, john how you doing.
Speaker 3:I'm good. Thank you for having me. My name is Sean Herndon, 34 years old, Born and raised in Syracuse, New York, Relocated to New Jersey in about I want to say was 2011. I was there for a little bit working for the government and then I just relocated kind of recent to Charlotte, North Carolina, in 2018. I'm an entrepreneur outside of that nine to five job and now I am a author who just published his first book last month.
Speaker 2:Congratulations again on that book there, brother Lifesavers, congratulations, super. Congratulations on the book. Before we move forward, I forgot you just had a birthday. So happy birthday, man. I appreciate it. I wish my man a happy birthday. He just lived it up, did his thing. That was his 34th birthday. That's great. So obviously you've been to several different cities. You've lived in several different states. What has that transient life been like? You know what I mean, like going from Syracuse, which is relatively small, right To a New Jersey, to then a Charlotte. How has your life transitioned, as you've essentially evolved throughout moving through other cities?
Speaker 3:So, moving from Syracuse to New Jersey, which is, I would literally, like, 20 minutes outside of New York City, that's, of course, without traffic, and on the train it probably was a lot quicker than that. But yeah, it was a big transition, definitely a culture shock. You know the values, the culture, the food, the people, everything completely different. So I learned a lot at a young age, right out of college, and the biggest difference I want to say is all the backgrounds, just until all the backgrounds, because you know, in New York City you have Jamaicans, you have all your Spanish backgrounds, I think one time I even had a co-worker I was real close to it that was like Russian, so it was a lot of different backgrounds.
Speaker 3:And then, working in immigration, I had a chance to be exposed to even more different cultures and more backgrounds. I wasn't just going out and meeting people, I was working with these people each and every day. So, yeah, that was that's where a lot of my development came from. And of course, at the time I didn't know, but I would say it was definitely needed and it was very positive. It wasn't negative at all. So, even though it was scary and it was new, it influenced me in a good way, yo so you're stepping outside your comfort zone.
Speaker 2:Help you get to the space that you went today.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, yeah, I was way out of my comfort zone. Work relate, all of it. It was all new and I had just one close friend there at the time and she worked with me.
Speaker 2:But outside of that, yeah, so, man, well, that's what you hear today. That's why you, authoring and all of that man you wrote your first book, you done, grew and developed through everything, man. So that's dope. Congratulations to you and salute to you.
Speaker 2:I want to get into the book, but before we get into questions about the book that I have specifically for you and I generated a little bit from my audience as well I want to talk a little bit about therapy, because you are very, very transparent in your book. You mentioned your therapist a lot and your relationship with your therapist a lot, and one thing that we talked about before and it's just a conversation in black communities, period. It's just that stigma that goes towards therapy right and people seeking therapy and that being actually a healthy thing. But when you in black neighborhoods is viewed as a negative thing and you still hear a lot of that can't nobody fix me, or therapy can't fix me, type of stuff. So what kind of prompted you, first of all, to go seek therapy? And then, once we speak on that, I want you to elaborate on the value in therapy.
Speaker 3:So to answer your first question, so what made me consider therapy? I was already talking to friends. I had a close family that I also was sharing certain information with certain family members, so I had that. I wasn't going to church every Sunday, but I still had a relationship with God. So when I looked at everything, I noticed that I had all these things and the only thing I haven't tried was therapy. So when I first went to my session, it was through my job, which a lot of people probably have this, so it's called EAP. I don't know if everybody uses it, but they definitely have it. It's usually included in your benefits, so you're probably already paying for it and not even utilizing service.
Speaker 2:So that's how I'm Employee Assistance Program for anybody that I don't know. Employee Assistance Program yes.
Speaker 3:Employee Assistance Program. So I called them. They liked you get eight sessions. I went on the computer, just like you do at a dentist or any other doctor. Then they had the filters. So I typed in black I personally chose female because I wanted the opposite sex opinion. So, yeah, I typed in all those filters and then I googled also the background of the therapist, which I think a lot of people need to do that as well. So when you go online, you see the name and you see the name and the number and the location. I think you should still do a little research as far as what they look like, find the social media if you can, and things like that. So yeah, so basically that was the only piece of the puzzle missing, which is why I wanted to try it out, to see basically how I can improve my self-development. Sorry, and then to your second question. You were asking why do you believe so many people shy away from it, correct?
Speaker 2:You're right. Why do you believe that so many people shy away from it? And then what the value is brought into you.
Speaker 3:A lot of people shy away from it, I believe, because a lot of. I heard this analogy one time. So if you look at life, a lot of people are behind a set of bars and then if you look to the right of you and to the left of you, those bars don't even exist. So if you really wanted to, you can go to the right or you can go to the left and nothing is keeping you bound. But a lot of people don't want to make that decision and they rather stay behind those bars because it takes away the responsibility. You know, when you go out now you got to be confident. Now, if anything goes wrong now it's on you. So they rather just stay with the middle year, even if a lot of times that is misery. But as long as it's familiar to them, they're fine with that. And I wasn't fine with that. And I would also add that I wasn't depressed at the time. My life wasn't perfect, but I definitely wasn't depressed and I was okay. I wouldn't say happy, but I would say okay and I just wanted to see okay. So what is there to be going to do for me?
Speaker 3:So when I went in the very first session and I tell this story all the time. The first value added was self-awareness. So she asked me. She says do you have any trauma? And in my definition of trauma I'm like no, I don't have any trauma. You know, my family's good. You know we're not perfect, but we're good. All of my friends are alive and doing well, nobody's in jail, nobody's really dead, no tragedy is really. She was like that's not what trauma is. And then she was like tell me about your life story. So then I started telling her about my life story. By the end of the session I had answered the question for her without even noticing, wow, and literally just one hour, and she sat back on the couch because, remember, we're talking, she's blind. So she sits back on the couch and she goes like this with her hands and she just give me looks like now do you want to answer that question again? Do you have trauma?
Speaker 2:So yeah.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I love that story, man. I appreciate you for sharing that and thank you for sharing it with the audience, because I find out a lot of people think that therapy is the idea of therapy is to fix them right. And then really what you just described and what I feel with therapy is because I've gone myself it just provides a level of clarity right. It's just giving us the tools and provides a level of clarity for us to execute whatever goals or objectives that we need to execute in our own lives. It's not to fix us or for someone to go in and sit on the couch and have somebody fix us right. It's that person's especially when you connect with a good therapist, giving us the tools to be able to fix our own stuff in our lives.
Speaker 3:Yep, Definitely a thousand percent so yeah, nice dope.
Speaker 2:And just to reiterate that employee assistance program, I utilize therapy through it as well, sean. So that was a great plug. My man, an author, he plug himself, man, what you don't do, man.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, you know what's funny a lot, and I know it's the joke, probably. But the answer to that question is I definitely do a lot. I do a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, man, man with many hats, huh I see you, I see you. Hey, nothing wrong with that man, listen, you a black man in America. You better have multiple hats.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I wear a lot of hats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to be able to pull them tools out. Yeah, all right, cool, thank you. Thank you for sharing your experience with therapy, what we'll probably touch on that a little bit more as we talk about the book. But you know, you know, you know, you know I want to get into this right here, man, this right here. This is a powerful piece. So again, man, congratulations on Lifesaver, a self-help book. I'm plugging it right now. We'll put the link in so people can buy it.
Speaker 2:The degree of transparency within the book I write it actually twice and thank you again for sending me the personal copy signed and all that good stuff. So you know, you have me feeling real, real special there. But the transparency, the level of transparency in the book, man, I think that it was it blew me away. Frankly, not having known you very well Obviously I talked to you before, seeing what you do on social media and all the great stuff you do, but not knowing you and then reading that book and the level of transparency within your book, sean, I just want to commend you on that and I'm sure that people will draw inspiration from it for sure. So kudos again to you on that, before we even get into the questions, man. But what inspired the book, man? What inspired Lifesavers? What made you want to want to get together a self-help book?
Speaker 3:So a lot of times when we, especially as black men, are going through things, we feel alone, and I would even say not to turn this into like a sexist battle, but I would even say, for the most part, I think we keep a lot more in opposed to even women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know a lot of women. I don't think that sex is. By the way, researchers back you up behind that man. So you're good, you're good yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think I even heard one time before. Like you know, when men go to therapy, nine times I'd attend. A lot of the things they talk about they probably never have talked about to anyone. You know women and this is a good thing for them. Nine times I'd attend. You've already told a couple of your girlfriends like you've had some kind of outlet when you go into the therapy room. It's probably not your first first time saying those words out loud.
Speaker 2:Right, so what? Just what inspired you to write the book Lifesavers, the self-help book, Like? What was the motivation behind getting that written?
Speaker 3:Got you Okay. So once again, I think that as men we tend to hold a lot more in. So when I was going through what I was going through, I did feel alone and it was a little scary as well. But when I did start talking to those around me that I was comfortable with whether it's family, friends and, of course, my therapist it made it a little bit easier and it also made it a little bit more relatable, because a lot of times, if you do open up, what you'll find out is that most people are dealing with some of the most of these same issues in some capacity.
Speaker 3:So you know, like, for example, if you dealt with death, I always tell people I can't really relate to death because fortunately I haven't lost that many people. You know I've lost my grandparents, but outside of that, like I haven't had any tragedies around me when it came to family and friends. So I say that to say that just because you know I don't relate to grief in that way, that doesn't mean I haven't grieved a loss of a friendship, a loss of a relationship, a loss of a job. So it's like that's what I mean by. It's kind of the same feelings, it's just a different capacity.
Speaker 3:So when I wrote this book, I wanted people to not feel so alone, because I feel like sometimes, when you're going through it and you feel like you're alone, that makes it worse. So even when reading this book, some people will look at it as oh, I'm learning so much about him. Is it like autobiography? And I'm like, well, I get that perspective. But also, look at it this way I'm giving you the life stories that are real, because I feel like if you're laying in your bed and you're reading this book and you're going through a similar situation, or even if you have gone through it in the past, it'll make you a little bit easier. And I'm kind of giving you advice if you really read between the lines, because I'm also giving you something that maybe because if it worked for me and the outcome was good, you can try it and maybe it can work for you as well.
Speaker 2:Right. So you're saying, like you wanted to create something that was relatable to people and that not only inspired them but gave them the tools to be able to say all right, you know what Sean did this, let me try this. Or Sean try something, let me at least try therapy, something along those lines.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I'm happy you mentioned the keyword tried and people all the time say, well, what if I try it and it don't work? Okay, try it again.
Speaker 1:You got to keep trying.
Speaker 3:Like it's your life. You got to keep trying until you figure out a way.
Speaker 2:Right, right. Figure out what you want to do and your purpose.
Speaker 2:I love that One of the things that you mentioned early on in the book was God is the plug, and you mentioned a lot throughout the book your relationship with God, which I think is phenomenal. I'm a firm believer in God and all of the powers and blessings that he bestows upon us. What is the value of your relationship with God? How has that kept you in line, even, like you said, when you experienced those bad times or when you're going through those tough relationships that you mentioned in the book, like how does your relationship with God play into you being able to stay strong and stay firm?
Speaker 3:Well, what I can say to that is, in a lot of the things I went through in those dark times where people would call it God, was always the one I had to continue to go back to. Even at times when I basically wanted to ignore him, I always came back. When I was in the room by myself, I always came back to praying, I always came back to having those conversations with him.
Speaker 3:So it was no running from God, even when I didn't like him at times and I say that with all I'm laughing but I say that because I think a lot of people sometimes forget that we're still human and they forget that he still knows exactly how you feel and it's okay for you to walk around and act like, oh well, this happened and God got me, so I'm just fine with everything. That's not real life. So when I started to have those conversations with him as far as like why I don't believe in you and why I'm upset and why I'm angry that those questions and those conversations, that's what helped develop my personal relationship with God. And I feel like if people had those conversations a lot more, it could help them as well. And a lot of us were brought up with just saying a prayer, getting on with your knee.
Speaker 3:I'm not talking about those kinds of prayers. I'm talking about the kind of prayers that is literally just a conversation, whether you're in your car, whether you're in a shower. That's how I talk to God. I do know how to pray, but those wasn't the conversations that was really getting me what I needed. It was the real conversations with him that helped develop our relationship. So that's what I appreciate the most that I'm able to have a real conversation with God and I'm able to feel comfortable with. I don't want people to misinterpret this. I'm not saying you know, going there and act like you haven't been raised. I'm not first in these conversations and none of that.
Speaker 3:It's still very much like talking to a parent.
Speaker 2:A respectful conversation with God. A respectful conversation, A respectful conversation, Right. But I think you also hit on something that's important too the authenticity of it. Like sometimes we come to God and we BS, not for nothing you know what I mean it's like but then, like you said, God knows our true heart. So for us to come to him and not do it in an authentic way, it's shortening ourselves and it's shortening him too. So I like that. I like how you said just having an authentic conversation with him in a respectful manner.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. And I always add this piece because I think it's important for people to know how far I came when I say I did not believe in God as a younger child. I definitely did not. So the reason why I like to mention that is because even when I didn't believe in him, I still had to go to him. He found a way to make me go to him and I couldn't stand it.
Speaker 3:I'm like, oh, like I don't even you again Like, that's literally how I used to be and I'm like so yeah, and then you know, through those hard times, it's like no matter how far I try to run from it, I always have to come back to this higher power?
Speaker 2:No, that's dope. When did you notice the shift when it's like all right, cool, I'll tap out? Man, I guess I gotta believe now.
Speaker 3:When I came to the realization that prayer is, when it comes to God, prayer is not ever going to be something that you could just use and it'll fix things. Of course, you definitely gotta do your part, but even sometimes, when you do your part, it's not gonna be fixed. Some things in this life you're just gonna have to live with. You know, even if you feel like it impacts you, there it goes, sorry. Even if you feel like it impacts you in a negative way, you're just gonna have to live with it and some things that we struggle with.
Speaker 3:I truly believe that God is never going to allow you to fix that issue that you wanna fix, because that's the area that you need a relationship with Him in. Like, that's what's gonna keep you on your knees, that's what's gonna keep you having faith, keep you invested, and it's also gonna allow you to work on you and stop blaming other people just because you're triggered Because people love to use that word now, in 2023. This trigger word, they throwin' it around a lot but just because you're triggered doesn't give you a reason to act up. Absolutely, you still have responsibility over your response.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I love that. I love that. That's a great one, because we always stay here at the quality I love. You are 100% in control of your response, no matter what happens to you externally. You are 100% in control of your response. So when you start blaming other people, then that means that you giving them the power and you giving up control.
Speaker 1:So nah, I like that. That's dope, that's dope.
Speaker 2:Back into the book here, man, one of the things that struck me very, very much in the book was that you guys spoke about just kind of being teased at a young age and how that caused you to experience insecurities. Can you speak on some of the insecurities that you experience from teasing and having those very young experiences where you might think that you're ribbon? We used to call it ribbon, ribbon on somebody. Oh hi, ribbon. There we go, we are the same page Ribbon on somebody, right, and it's innocent. But then as you grow, some of those things you got ribbed on about or that you ribbed on somebody else, about growing to insecurities.
Speaker 3:Definitely. So one of the main things definitely lips. I definitely definitely got picked on a lot for my lips. You know I've grown into them, thank God. But when I was smaller they was even bigger than my ears, like come up to here. So like I hope that when people read the book they could tell that I'm not definitely saying that I was bullied. I never was bullied, thank God, because I know a lot of people go through that as well. I've never was bullied. I'm just talking about general teasing that everybody goes through. Like you said, we used to call it ribbon.
Speaker 1:But that's where a lot of our insecurities come from as well.
Speaker 3:If you know, no matter who you are, no matter if you got ribbed on at the center, no matter if you got ribbed on at home, like a lot of those things you didn't notice as a child. But once you get older, you hear it so much whether it's a joke or not that they do become insecurity. Yeah, and then when you get older, what happens is a lot of people don't self-reflect. Like you know, a lot of that happened in your childhood. So now, when you get older and you're insecure about it, you're wondering where it's coming from. But it's not coming from the current of people around you, or not even your current self. Right, A lot of it is your younger self.
Speaker 2:The inner child, the inner child man. That's what it is.
Speaker 3:The inner child. But once again, I did want to make the. I did want to distinguish the difference between. That was I was not bullied, because I think bullying is a whole nother. That's a whole nother thing. I'm not saying like, oh, everybody should get bullied and then they're going to grow up with confidence after they overcome it. No, that's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:That's a good that's a good little save there, man you might have ran into that on the line. But yeah, no, definitely. To me it is obvious in the book that, yeah, I mean you were referencing ribbon because you know, like you said, we've grown up in those hood environments or urban areas. That's just what you do, man. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:You start ribbing and you just find that first, but then, like like you said, you get older and those insecurities kick in and you start to be like like, for example, I know I used to rib all the time, but then you're like, damn, like am I, am I really that black? You know what I mean? Like starting to get all of those things that carry, carry over. So I appreciate you sharing that and speaking on that and then providing clarity as well.
Speaker 2:So thank you. That leads me into my second question, kind of tying to that, and that question is that can you give any advice to people that's looking to set boundaries with their family members? Because I loved how in the book you said that sometimes that's what you got to do, right, like you have to set boundaries with your family members and with the people that's close to you in order to almost self preserve.
Speaker 3:excuse me, Well, for starters I want to say which a lot of people probably heard this as well right now a boundary is a boundary is not meant for you to end a relationship. A boundary is not like oh well, you did this and I sense you did this, we can talk. That's not a boundary. And I would even admit and take accountability that initially, when I very first, you know, was trying to set boundaries, that's what I was leaning more towards, that it was. That's not what a boundary is. A boundary is more so so that you actually stayed to like, preserve the relationship and try to make their relationship come to some kind of compromise so that you can still continue that relationship. So how you set that with family members is well, any. Actually you do that in general with a boundary.
Speaker 3:What you do is you get to decide your response, which we said earlier. So when it comes to a boundary, for example, if you say something I don't like, like I don't have kids for them. So let's say, at every family function you're coming to the family function and every time I come around you're asking when I'm a half kids or when I'm going to get married. If I am somebody sound like you speak it from the personal experience.
Speaker 1:Well, not me but this is a good example only because you know I'm very transparent.
Speaker 3:Everything I'm talked about in the book like I have nothing to hide at this point. So I personally don't want kids. So that question does not offend me Because I'm one of those people that I'll co-sign, like, yeah, it's not going to happen.
Speaker 3:But let's just say that if I did get offended by that, that, that question whoever's asking me, whether it's my dad or whatever what I can say is, if I'm sending a boundary, hey, I like coming over here, I like spending time with you, but I don't want to have a question about when I'm going to have children, or X, y and Z. And if you continue to do that and this is where the boundary coming to play, because most people are like, oh, if I continue to do that, then I'm going to leave no, if you continue to do that, I'll cut the conversation off, I'll change the topic. I like it's something to preserve it and to also allow my reaction to be something that is rational. So, yeah, so I would tell people that's trying to set a boundary with anything Think about you, not the other person. Think about what you can control and what will keep you just visually in the room, not so much you kind of walk out of the room after you say what you have to say. That's not a boundary.
Speaker 2:Nice, that's dope. Can you give the audience a specific example of a time in which you had to set a firm boundary? Who?
Speaker 3:A friend, a friend boundary.
Speaker 2:Or a firm boundary, okay.
Speaker 3:I could do a firm boundary?
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, frank let's see we ain't trying to get you in trouble now.
Speaker 3:This could be anonymous, oh no, no, no, I'll go off of something that's in the book, of course, because this is probably the biggest boundary I did set.
Speaker 3:But I had a situation with my brother, which I talk about in the book, and it started out like I was describing to you Like, hey, we keep going through this. So, in order to not go through this, I think that I should do this, and if you continue to do what you do, I can control that, but I'll work through it in order to once again preserve this relationship. So things didn't pan out that way and the boundary didn't work. So for me, with that outcome, the boundary, of course, turned into more so the end of the relationship, even though, once again, that is a brother, it turns into the end of a relationship, but that's probably the most firmest and the hardest one that I did have to set. And, once again, when it comes to you asking the question about when I set the firm boundary, yeah, it was a very close family, remember, same brother, same mother, same father, and then, of course, it didn't result in what I wanted it to result in, but that I would have to say it was my hardest boundary to set.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:And I think Go ahead, I'll go ahead and start.
Speaker 1:No, I'll cut you off.
Speaker 3:Oh no, you're fine. I just was going to add and I think people don't understand as well how tough it is to not only set a boundary but, if the boundary doesn't work, to actually choose yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, actually, that led into exactly what I was going to ask and that I think, what I hear you say, and please tell me if I'm wrong but it's at some point, when you set the boundary, if the boundary is not reciprocated or respected from the other and you might not that relationship might not, might not be a value, so to speak.
Speaker 3:So I like what you said and I'm agreeing to it. I don't know the word value. I'm trying to decide if I should go with that word because I did value. I did value the relationship and not because it was my brother, but because we had, we didn't, we wasn't BFF as we were younger. So when I got older around I want to say high school, college we became a lot closer, which is fine. At that point in time Mentally already knew like you develop different relationships with people and you just take them for what they are doing, no matter what time doing your life. So I want to say I value that. It's just I know a better word. I did value the relationship but at that point in time when I did make the decision, it wasn't adding any value to me. Okay, got you.
Speaker 2:You smooth with it.
Speaker 2:I like that Nice, nice. Anything else specific to boundaries Because, like you said, I think that's hard to set. It's hard to set them right and you do a great job of speaking to them in your book and we don't want to give away no secrets in that book. You got to get people to buy it and I mean the secret is when you buy it. But anything else that you could speak to throughout your life experiences with boundaries that you think the audience could benefit from probably just to you have to implement, okay.
Speaker 3:So I think another misconception is you have to implement a boundary when something is wrong.
Speaker 3:And I think that if you really analyze, like our day-to-day lives everyone, has a boundary, like, for example, you can't just speak to your mom and your mom or your dad any kind of way. You know whether you have said it, whether you're not. That's a boundary If you do well as black, if we, as black kids, already know what's gonna happen. But it's like it's boundaries all around us. I think that people are just not utilizing them the correct way when they become adults because of the lack of, first of all, conversation alone. Let's start there.
Speaker 3:In order to set the boundary, you gotta communicate. A lot of us wasn't taught the proper way to communicate and we didn't see communication growing up, so I would definitely say that. So I just want people to understand, to use boundaries a lot more and take the negative spin off of it. You know, if you're surrounded by people that don't generally make you happy, first start really asking yourself why don't they make you happy? And then what can you do on your end? Who improve the situation? And I just say that you're gonna cut them off, Because I think a lot of relationships can be saved with that conversation if it gets to that point. But you can't do anything without that conversation.
Speaker 2:People just wanna Unification.
Speaker 3:Yeah, people just wanna go through things with people and then call the next person like, oh, I can't believe what X, y and Z did. And that's fine too. That's fine too if that's what solves your issue at that point in time. But if those side conversations are not helping your situation with the person at hand, then you have a problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree. Good plug there. Yeah, because I don't know, I find a lot of those side conversations end up being gossip and making the situation worse. Man, just from our relationship, culture, world, man, those side conversations begin people in more trouble.
Speaker 3:Well see, now we're getting into a little bit more deep inside. Don't worry about it man, Listen, let's go.
Speaker 2:That's where we go, man, let's do it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so this is the thing about that. I mean, when you just said that those side conversations turn into gossip. If they do, whoever you're telling that's not the person who you should be telling. I have knock on what, thank God. I have never went to someone with a side conversation, whether it was looked at as gossip or not, and it got back to whoever, because that's not what the conversation is for. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:It was never for me to gossip, for you to tell this person, for us to have this big drama. That's not what it's, for you have friends and family members that you've been to, or even a partner that you've been to, which I referenced in the book as a circle of trust. Those people number one. I have to trust you. So, and I also have to trust that you know that I'm not calling you just a gossip. I have to trust and value your opinion. I have to trust that you're gonna tell me when I'm wrong. Hold me accountable. So if it's turning into gossip because of people that you, those are not your circle of trust.
Speaker 2:How do you see? Now, this is exactly what I wanted to get deeper, because now, where do you find people that you could create a circle of trust with? Like, where does that come about? How do you know who to put you in your circle of trust? Like and I know we just talked about a piece of it, right, like, if you go to somebody with information and they go and gossip about it, that's probably not somebody you should put in your circle of trust. Are there any other factors that you have or elements that you have that you would include in your circle of trust? Or it's like all right, cool, like, this person can be in my circle of trust.
Speaker 3:See, now you're making me think but this is good, let's go, man let's go.
Speaker 3:Because, too, I'm trying to be like because I'm thinking about people that's gonna be listening to it. So I don't want them to think once again like, oh, if Sean is running and telling this person and not telling the person he has an issue with, then that's petty, that's gossip, that's like he's the problem. He's no, that's not always true. Sometimes I may need a second opinion. Sometimes, when you ask, like, what are the qualities, that circle of trust you ask it definitely has to be people that you know for our fact have held you accountable in the past. That's a huge one right there.
Speaker 2:So I'm not just calling somebody, that's so you're saying no yes man or no yes women, yeah, no yes man no yes man.
Speaker 3:Yeah and, like I said, I'm 34. And between 34 and 33, I wanna say this is the like.
Speaker 3:I've never been surrounded by so many people who hold me accountable.
Speaker 3:I've been in so many situations because a bit of my personality is and I think we all got this in us Like I could be in a room with 10 people and before I used to glorify this like I could be in a room for the 10 people and it's like I'm gonna stand up what I say and that's gonna be that.
Speaker 3:Just because you know the other nine don't agree with me, that doesn't mean I'm not right. So then I came to a conclusion that it's not about right or wrong If I have people who have held me accountable in the past who actually are my friends. We have relationships, they love me and they're trying to tell me something and I'm not listening and I'm just more so like I tend to get like well, I don't care what y'all say and I'm still gonna do what I wanna do and I'm still working on that. But when I am alone now the difference is because I'm growing well, maybe they did have a coin and most of the times when I get away from them and I really think about how I react, it I'm like well, first of all, now I feel bad because nine times out of 10, they were right, and not because it's a group, but because it kind of goes to that thing. It applies to. You know, if everybody's saying the same thing, it's some truth to it, right?
Speaker 1:right right.
Speaker 3:Now I just search for the some truth in it.
Speaker 2:All right, so you got and most of the times they're right Got you. So you gotta have people, and you gotta have people that hold you accountable for your actions and your behaviors and then know yes, men or women, so they're not just gonna go along with what you said, cause you said yeah, yeah, it's not as simple as.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm gonna tell you and you're gonna keep my secret. No, that's not. That's not what I'm saying I love that.
Speaker 2:I love that you create the space for the dialogue too. Cause, well, and I'll talk about it before we end the episode but one of the things that I constantly say that's necessary in any like lasting relationship rather as a partner or somebody, like you said, that's close in your circle it's communication, and by communication, what we reference is dialogue. It's being able to speak to somebody, have them actively listen. Then you hear what their needs are as well. Right, it's not just me telling you what to do and this is how we're gonna do it. So that's dope, you creating a space for that. But I still yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 3:Like I said, I'm still working on myself. When people use that word healed, it kind of starting to bother me more and more. Cause the word, I don't know where people got the ED on the end of it, but it's not healed. It's healing growing, but like you never done with it.
Speaker 2:No, it's a journey. It's a journey Anytime you go on it, like healing in any aspect of the journey. It's no such thing as healed Cause that wounds definitely stay there, especially if they deep enough.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So now I'm listening. I've been listening. So when I started therapy in 2018, a lot of people going into therapy and they also not ready to go into therapy and actually listen to an outside opinion that has nothing to do with your life don't have an opinion like they literally do not know you I went in there and listened. I was ready to listen. I was ready to at least start to make steps towards a change. I also know some people personally who's been to therapy. They go in there, they don't hear what they like and that's it, like that's not what therapy is for. But it's cool because even in that self-realization, if you really reflect that you're not ready and that's fine, too, that you know if you notice that you need to make a change but you're not ready, that's kind of still a step.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, like you said the awareness pieces there right, Like you have to be self-aware enough to know like, okay, I'm going to go through with this, right as opposed to I'm not hearing what I want to hear. They're not talking about fixing me, so I'm out.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I've been listening since I've been in therapy and once again still. I'm still talking to God. I still talk to a close group of friends. I still got my family and now I'm getting more into the listening and actually applying. Now I think I would say that I wasn't really applying all that I should, so now I'm applying the things that I've learned.
Speaker 2:Dope, dope. Keep applying, man, it's a journey. It's a journey. This applying stage is yeah.
Speaker 3:It comes to listening. Now that I reflect on it, the listening is easy to get the knowledge, but if you're going into once again, whether it's therapy, whether you have a life coach or mentor, whatever, if you're going into these conversations, then you're just listening, but you going home, you're not applying nothing. You're wasting your time still.
Speaker 2:Yeah absolutely, but I will acknowledge this. There is a big gap and people don't acknowledge it. There's a big gap between knowing and executing and something right. It's like just knowing something but then to actually follow through with it. That's a whole other part of the journey.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So my therapist and this is recent, I'm talking about like last week I came in real happy. She went through a conversation with me. I'm like, oh yeah, I know exactly why I did this in this situation, and X, Y and Z, yada, yada. So she was like, okay, that's good, but what did you do different?
Speaker 1:I didn't have an answer for her.
Speaker 3:So I'm like now I'm getting into, oh so I can't just listen and I can't understand the root. Now I got on tie and make changes. Then I'm like, oh so this is the hard part of it.
Speaker 2:Yes, sir, the execution. I can hear it all you can hear it, all you want, but boy doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, doing it my wife about that.
Speaker 2:That's a struggle for me too. We in the same boat there, brother. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I wish they would have did a lot of this. When I'm not saying all of the classes we had when we were in like grade school, but I swear they should have went through all of like we should. There's no reason why there are kids in school that are not in a class, literally. Title communication.
Speaker 2:Yeah, healthy, especially healthy communication. Right, because there are so many kids that are pretty much trapped, man, not for nothing, in the hood and the urban communities and in these spaces of perpetual trauma right, where everybody only learned to resolve their issues by fighting or yelling or arguing and to go to school and not have a healthy outlet. I agree 100%. Man that finances real estate, right. All of those real critical elements to really really being able to live the quote unquote American dream, right. Having real estate, having businesses and families, not being tied to a job, all of those things, man.
Speaker 1:We don't get to post it until late.
Speaker 2:It's too late.
Speaker 3:That should be taught soon as we go into a school, just like what they say when it comes to second languages oh, they'll catch on faster.
Speaker 2:The younger day Okay, we'll catch on faster the younger we are when it comes to credit communication trust boundaries, like everything.
Speaker 3:There should have been some class on this. So it's kind of like also the decision the system has failed us to.
Speaker 2:It was designed that way, but we ain't gonna get it to that. We gotta keep this interview with a good one. Yeah, I mean, we're gonna have to talk about that later, but I do one of the things that stood out to me and I already shared it with you on social media man, I do wanna talk about. Come on, man, you already know where I'm going with this. You already know, yeah, and I quote Sean Sand in the book the most toxic relationships have the best sex. Let's face it.
Speaker 2:Being mistreated is one thing, but bad sex on top of that won't last long, absolutely. Please elaborate on that, man. Toxic relationships have the best sex.
Speaker 3:So when I was writing this book too, I couldn't put a general blanket over everything. So a lot of this book once again and I think I even put it on the back of the book a lot of this is just what I've learned in my 34 years. So I say that to say, if you have somebody in the older generation to me, they probably wouldn't agree to this because they probably haven't seen the same thing in their peers. But with my peers and the people that I've grown up with and I'm not just talking about the people I'm friends with, literally the people that I can go on my Facebook I went to high school with these people. I see these situations a lot where, first of all, let's start with the kids. For whatever reason, a lot of my generation had kids when they were a lot younger. So now, even with a man like me who's 34, it's normal to not have a kid, Even if I wanted a kid which I don't know, let me put that in here but even if I did want one, it's odd if you are my age and you don't have any kids, because a lot of people had kids when they were younger.
Speaker 3:A lot of those relationships, first of all were definitely to we'll use the word immature to even know that it will last that long to improve another life. So now you have this child, you and her are both kids, and now there's a baby. And of course, that baby was formed because of sex. And then now the baby is about I want to go by the patterns I've seen, let's say about almost 10, or between five and 10 is normally when the parents start breaking up. And now everybody got this term that everybody hates the baby mom and the baby fathers. And now, not only that, now you hate your baby mom, you hate your baby father.
Speaker 3:Well, the reason being is, I truly believe, is because those are relationships that number one was never meant to involve a child, and those are relationships where a lot of y'all didn't have anything besides the affection, besides the romance, besides the sex going on. So now that's the outcome of it. Now you left with that. But when you got older and you realized like wait, like I really have to like this person, I really got to compromise with this person, I really got to know me. Then I got to also try to grow and grow with them, Like, oh, this is tough, Like I don't even know how we did this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, just from a little innocent pleasure, we thought Right, just from a little innocent pleasure yeah, just for pleasure.
Speaker 3:And then two, not only that, usually and not that I could be wrong, I'm just judging off my experience Usually the sex is the last component to go out of their relationship. The trust could go early, the communication early, the not set in boundaries, the disrespect, all of that from first birth first. All of that, the reason why these relationships did last as long as they did, because you all still have sex. Why you all still have sex, because that's the bond that ties you all together and it wasn't just any bond. Now it's probably the best sex you had, so now it's even harder to cut off, because I do. It is the fact I would say that nobody's just sticking around having sex through all these issues and the sex is bad. If your sex is bad and we have any issues, that's going to be an easier tie to her.
Speaker 2:It's funny you say that because I speak to this in my relationship coaching sessions, but it's something in a relationship world, coaching world that's called the crazy eight cycle.
Speaker 2:And toxic relationship sex is basically that where it's like people don't have anything like in terms of being able to healthy communicate in a relationship, and we're talking about specific relationships that hinder on sex.
Speaker 2:People don't have a lot going on in those relationships, so what they'll do is they'll have sex, be cool for a day or two, and then figure out a way or find some way to argue with each other, and the reason why they do that is because it heightens the adrenaline in the relationship. And then they have sex which tops off the adrenaline, and then they calm down, basically come back to baseline. But in a day or two they're doing the same things over and over again and the sex in their mind is the only thing that brings them down. So what we call it is like it's a loop. You basically on this constant loop where you going back and forth, where it goes from having sex to coming down the baseline, to now you back up angry, fight in, arguing have sex, that toxic relationship, sex, anything good again come back down for another day or two. So you basically put that in your book and as soon as I read it I'm like, oh, he got something here.
Speaker 3:This is it. This is it. And two, let me ask you this so would you even go as far as to say, if someone does believe because I think that it's nothing wrong with it, like especially with my past partners I'm hoping that you're telling them that I'm the best, because who don't want to be the best? But outside of telling them that I'm the best now that I'm grown, I don't just want someone going around saying like oh yeah, the sex is great with him. I also know I want people in rooms and conversations there. The sex is good with him. But also he know how to communicate. Also, he knows he's very self aware. Like you have to have other things attached to us. I don't think it's anything wrong with you. You know, venting to your friends or whoever, like, oh yeah, this person is great and bad. It's not wrong being great and bad, but if that's the only thing that you could say that they're great at that's, that's toxic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, extremely toxic. I would even go as far as to say, like that plays into, like, the need for us having those classes to be able to talk about healthy communication, right, because those people that are in those relationships, they don't know how to like say okay, the sex is good, but what else? What else do you have to offer? What else can? I think? Crestman, you got to answer that how else are we compatible? Right, it's like the sex is great, that's phenomenal, but the sex is a minor element to us being able to have a lasting relationship. So what else do you bring to the table? What other values do I bring to the table and how can we be truly compatible?
Speaker 2:Again, when we grow up in areas that we grow up in, we expose the sex at a very early age, right, and you also, your identity is tied to sex. So it's not like your identity is tied to a healthy relationship and we're going to talk and communicate. It's more like how many women can I get? How many men can I sleep with? Oh, especially nowadays where you hear about, like the spike in side chicks and side dudes, like, oh, man, we're in a bad space when it comes to relationships, because toxic is something that people they find comfort in nowadays especially.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and not only that too. I know you would agree with this one. Just similar to the word trigger, I think people got to be a little bit more careful with the word toxic, and I'll even take accountability and say myself too. Sometimes I just say it because that's the first word to come to mind, but there's a lot of other words to describe an unhealthy relationship besides toxic. Every unhealthy relationship is not toxic.
Speaker 3:Toxic is when it's manipulation, when it's gaslighting, when it's self-mortional abuse physical abuse, those like when it's very overt, yeah, so like that's toxic. You not being able to communicate. That's not toxic. No, that's simply unhealthy.
Speaker 2:You're not going out to communicate?
Speaker 3:It's not like it's unhealthy, but it's not toxic. And I think a lot of people also need to, and once again, I'm taking accountability even for myself. I think we need to start. It's been in our vocabulary when it comes to these words, because it's important for you to distinguish these differences when you're trying to describe your feelings, because if you're telling somebody like, for example, if you're in a relationship with somebody and you're constantly telling them like oh, you're toxic, it's kind of like, first of all, do you know what that means for them to do things?
Speaker 3:Because you want them to receive it right, because do you know what that means? And if you don't know what that means, how do you think they're going to receive it to even be able to become self-aware and be like, okay, now I'm toxic, so now we're done. Well, first of all, you're not toxic, right?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 2:It's funny you say that too, because sometimes I'll run into when I'm doing a relationship coaching, where people say that and the partner knows what toxic means. So they're like I'm not toxic, all I'm doing is holding them accountable for their communication. How does that make me toxic? You know what I mean? And it's like, like you said, the term is misused so much that now it's taking a negative spin, right, and people use it so much that there's no clarity around it. So I agree, like I think we have to be real strategic and specific about the words we use, especially in regards to relationship, because, like, words have power, man, words have power.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Real, specific on what you're communicating.
Speaker 3:Definitely. But I do feel, like my generation, we're bad at relationships. We need a lot of work, and I think it really starts with the people themselves, and I think that in order to want to be in a relationship, there's a lot of steps that we weren't taught. Like, once again, let's go back to this grade school thing. There should have been a class on relationships platonic and romantic, like I heard something the other day that made so much sense and I'm like wow, nobody really should be getting in a relationship overnight, because the steps that you really have to take to consider if you want to be in a relationship with someone. It takes time. Like it's certain conversations that gotta happen.
Speaker 3:They don't happen overnight, especially when you're grown Like we're talking about, let's say, 21 and up. Now I have to ask you your family values. Now, I have to observe your family values, I have to observe how you spend money. I had, like all these adult things. You cannot just meet somebody that you find attractive and y'all have chemistry and say, well, since we like each other, we're gonna just try this out and be in a relationship. No, dating should definitely be a longer stage in my generation and that should come before the relationship, and literally dating, not a relationship.
Speaker 2:Good luck pushing out one minute.
Speaker 3:It's not you're right, you gotta start one thing at a time. I don't think we still fully comprehend dating, for the simple fact that normally this is how dating goes for us and this is what I've done in the past. Oh, I like you, you like me. We keep seeing each other every day, we keep going on dates. So we're in a relationship, and I'm pretty sure you agree to this that a lot of these relationships was crazy or not relationships, because two people sat down and said this is what we're gonna do.
Speaker 2:They just assume that they're together Right especially, again, like the, sex plays a huge role in those type of relationships right. It's like oh, you my girlfriend now, or you my boyfriend, just because we having sex, like what's going on.
Speaker 3:So I don't know if I'll put that in the book but definitely I don't have this quality to work with, but definitely a thousand percent grown up and I'm talking about this probably didn't even end until I was about 30. If we have good sex, yeah, we're in a relationship.
Speaker 1:It's terrible to think that way, but yeah.
Speaker 3:And I don't know how it is. Yeah, I never even had to act.
Speaker 2:That's how it is, man. It's just like it goes and it ought to like again. Going back to the community just deep, I appreciate this conversation for sure, man, because it all revolves around being given the tools very early on in life to be able to now create a well-rounded adult right. And we need to do more of that and we need to get more of that incorporated in our schools and in the lives of our children. So, dope, I appreciate that, man. I appreciate the conversation. Before we go, man, could you let the people know where they could find the book? Got my own copy right here. Could you get people to info on where they could find the book, how they could get it, how they could get in contact with you? Your social media handles all that good stuff, man, because I'm sure some people from the audience are gonna want to buy your book and they want to get in contact with you.
Speaker 3:Um, ok, so the book is on Amazon. I'm gonna kind of dummy-proof it only because I know some people. You know, if you don't read often, you probably will go on to Amazon and think it's as simple as oh, let me just pipe in lifesavers and then it'll pop up. That's probably not gonna happen that way.
Speaker 3:So let me tell you the most simple way probably Go to Google type in my first and last name. You got Sean Herndon, and then type in lifesavers. If that does not work, go to the actual Amazon books. Type in my first and last name along with the title and it'll show pop up. Keep in mind it's a lot of authors out there. Typing in lifesavers is probably not gonna get you the first result on Amazon. So that's how you can find it.
Speaker 3:I know my name is a little bit hard to pronounce, especially the last name, but my first name is Sean S-E-A-N just how it's spelled. Last name H-E-R-N-D-O-N. That is also my first and last name. You know, around the time when everybody on social media was changing those social media names like nicknames, I was telling them. I told myself to this day. I said do not change a name. To that the reason why and also this is gonna be the last piece of advice I leave people with Start saying your first and last name. I don't care how hard it is. Start saying your first and last name because oh, there you go, you can see me still. Yep, yep, you're good. Sorry about that. So start saying your first and last name, because it's important for people to know who you are Like. I hear a lot of people all the time say oh, I'm gonna use my nickname. I'm gonna use this because it's hard to no allow people to say your name. They'll get used to it. If it's hard, they'll get used to it. So I'll say mine one more time Sean Herndon.
Speaker 3:The book is titled Life Saver. You can look at it on Amazon. We have the e-book for $10 and then you have the paperback for $20. It's gonna come directly to your house. It don't take that long. This should probably be a week or less and, as of right now, that's the only platform I have it on, and in the future it will be a lot more platforms and I'll let those be known as well, if you follow me on social media.
Speaker 3:Hopefully it'll be in Barnes and Noble's room. That's my next step. So I'm working on that. I'm working on that. So yeah, this book just came out on November 24th, so this is the beginning. I don't think it's gonna get the real buzz that I really, really wanted to get until, you know, months down the road, cause it take time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Entrepreneurship take time. We're also. I'll grab the link from you and I'll put it with this episode. So once we kick out this episode, if people want, or the audience want, they can go right to the link. That's it within the episode title. So that way we'll be quick, get right to the link right away. All right, how can people what hand those you at? How can they reach you on social media? What social medias are you on?
Speaker 3:Okay, so I'm on Facebook and Instagram. I'm on a couple of other ones, but I don't use them, so you can find me on Facebook and Instagram. Once again, same first name, same last name Sean. Her name H-E-R-N-B-O-N is the last name. Sean is exactly our spelled S-E-A-N and I tell people all the time. Once you follow me on social media, because I am an entrepreneur, I allow my customers or potential clients to always text me. Please feel free to text me If you read this book. If you see my number on social media, shoot me a text. If it's some criticism I need about the book. It's my first book. I wanna hear all kinds of feedback. You're the first person that told me they read it twice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. So that was the first.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so that did make me feel proud, because you know writing a book. Writing a book is kind of like going out, literally going out into the world and just like with no clothes on and just hoping people like what they see.
Speaker 3:So, it's like, and then, as a Black man, it was even harder. So so far, I genuinely feel that people really, really like this book and that it's relatable, but that was the point of it. So I would say, if you're able to pick it up, that that's what you get from it, and if not, jump in my inbox. If you don't wanna text me, jump in my inbox, tell me like oh dude.
Speaker 3:I feel like you should just discuss this topic or I feel like you should say things with this delivery or whatever, and I'll consider all of those, cause this will be a series. So my part two shouldn't be too far away, but it won't be next year, but it will be too far away.
Speaker 2:My boy. Give me out a sauce up here and everything. Give me instant access to them, and all of that.
Speaker 1:Make sure you head them up.
Speaker 2:man Sean, we truly appreciate you stopping through with us today. The book we appreciate. Let me grab it one more time so that people see it.
Speaker 2:You already know lifesavers, sean Herndon. You see his name at the bottom Audience. Don't forget those five ingredients to a lasting relationship. Number one is trust yes. Number two is communication. That's as in dialogue, back and forth, you actively listening to your partner, your partner actively listening to you, identifying needs. Number three, knowing your partner's love and apology language is not only knowing how to love on them, but also knowing how to apologize in a way that they feel valued. Number four is adaptability, so the ability to shift and change with the ever changing dynamics that are gonna come about in the world. Something's gonna happen, something's gonna change. You're gonna have a baby, mom and dad gonna get involved. Something's gonna happen. Having the ability to shift and change through the dynamics creates a lasting relationship. And, last but certainly not least, unconditional acceptance Accepting your partner for who they are within the moment, but then also knowing that they're working to be the best possible person that they can be. That's all we have.
Speaker 2:Amazing author, look for those books on coming later. You got a part two of the series. He just dropped that gym. So, boom, we got the exclusive quality of love. Yeah, go reach out to Sean, grab his book Again. Thank you, sean. We appreciate you stopping by with us and the audience man. Last but certainly not least, remember the quality of love and relationships that you have in your life will determine the quality of your life. Peace and love.
Speaker 3:Thank you, look for yourself inside the web.