Are persistent exes and their controlling tactics derailing your peace of mind? You're not alone, and I'm here to guide you through the challenging terrain of narcissistic behavior in relationships. In my return from a rejuvenating break, I, Tyrone Dixon, bring forth fresh perspectives on self-care and navigating the complexities of human connections.
We'll navigate the 'narc free zone', examining the unsettling methods narcissists employ to track your every move and the critical steps you need to take to reclaim your privacy and safety. This episode is a sanctuary for those seeking to untangle from the web of manipulation and control.
Building on a foundation of trust and communication, we shift our focus to the essential elements that forge a lasting relationship. I'll share insights on the art of active listening, the profound impact of understanding love and apology languages, and the beauty of unwavering acceptance of your partner's growth journey.
Plus, don't miss my enlightening conversation with author Sean Herndon, whose transparency about his own experiences adds a layer of depth to our discussion.
Together, let's elevate the love and connections that enrich our lives and find solace in knowing that we're capable of nurturing bonds that are both healthy and fulfilling. Peace and love.
Your quality of love = Your quality of life #Peace&Love
Are persistent exes and their controlling tactics derailing your peace of mind? You're not alone, and I'm here to guide you through the challenging terrain of narcissistic behavior in relationships. In my return from a rejuvenating break, I, Tyrone Dixon, bring forth fresh perspectives on self-care and navigating the complexities of human connections.
We'll navigate the 'narc free zone', examining the unsettling methods narcissists employ to track your every move and the critical steps you need to take to reclaim your privacy and safety. This episode is a sanctuary for those seeking to untangle from the web of manipulation and control.
Building on a foundation of trust and communication, we shift our focus to the essential elements that forge a lasting relationship. I'll share insights on the art of active listening, the profound impact of understanding love and apology languages, and the beauty of unwavering acceptance of your partner's growth journey.
Plus, don't miss my enlightening conversation with author Sean Herndon, whose transparency about his own experiences adds a layer of depth to our discussion.
Together, let's elevate the love and connections that enrich our lives and find solace in knowing that we're capable of nurturing bonds that are both healthy and fulfilling. Peace and love.
Your quality of love = Your quality of life #Peace&Love
Welcome to the quality of love podcast. I am your host, tyrone Dixon, nationally certified life and relationship coach, husband, father to two beautiful princesses and CEO and founder of a rose to concrete consulting. Thank you everyone for taking the time off to listen in and with us tonight. We really appreciate it. We back in action. We back emotion everybody. Thank you to everyone that's listening. Subscribe, download it. I'm giving me feedback. If you've not checked it out yet, please check the episode out with the.
Speaker 1:The author, sean Herndon, wrote a great book, amazingly transparent book. Had him on the last podcast for an interview. He killed it, of course. So go check his book out. A little link in the comments, but I'm happy to be back in motion, happy to be back answering your questions.
Speaker 1:And no, I did not forget about y'all. I just had to take a little hiatus, do a little refreshing. I'm a lot of self care and a lot of self work. Frankly, I just found myself in the space with transitioning into a new role, with Learning and discovering more about myself as a human being. I just needed to take a step away from the podcast. Real quick, refresh, recharge, get that energy back and deliver you that quality, quality podcasting from the quality of love podcast. Oh, almost forgot, shout out to Bishop Dewberry, sean and Daniela for choosing me and Allowing me to be a part of the wonderful Facilitation team with the black media mogul maker class that's coming up. I'm so excited, so ecstatic to be able to drop some wisdom, some gems from my experience with the class. So thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:What I'll further ado, let's get into our quote of the week. This quote reads do you want to win or do you want to win on your terms? Once again, that quote reads do you want to win or do you want to win on your terms? Man, that quote I actually heard from Colin Cowherd, who is a sports radio host. I find myself I guess I'm getting old Because I find myself listening to a lot more sports radio as opposed to music and all that good stuff. So it's just so funny to see that transition. But I heard that from Colin Cowherd Do you want to win or do you want to win on your terms? And I really felt that quote Deep within my within my spirit and they gave me goosebumps because I think, up until hearing that quote, I've wanted to win, but on my terms. And I think a lot of us get into those situations where we want to win, but as long as the chips are stacked in our favor or as long as it's not too much stress or too much pressure. But the reality is you got to ask yourself Do you want to win or do you want to win on your terms? Alright, you know what it is.
Speaker 1:You've now entered the narc free zone where we answer questions to expose all of that narcissistic behavior within relationships without further ado. Question number one why doesn't X narcissist rather keep calling than texting? Once again, that question is why doesn't X narcissist rather keep calling than texting? So before their action? So if they can keep Texting you and not give you a call and feel like that's a way to bother you and continue to get under your skin, that's what they're gonna do. You got to remember, when you're dealing with a narcissistic individual, their goal is not to improve their behavior or to become better for you or to learn the mistakes that they made with you. Their goal is just to keep you under their control, right? So this is simply a controlling tactic that they're using to not behold accountable, held accountable. Excuse me, number one, but then number two it keeps you kind of guessing and it keeps you on your toes, keeps you walking on those eggshells Now, regarding kind of your interaction with them, and it's just a different form of control. So I would it's called go no contact in most places, but I would ignore any text or calls coming from that individual because all they're doing in this instance is Using a controlling tactic or using one of their controlling tactics to try to control you and keep you under their spell, so to speak.
Speaker 1:Question number two how do narcissists get your location when you aren't sharing it? Once again, that question is how do narcissists get your location when you aren't sharing it? That's actually really scary. As I was reading through all of the Questions that I got sent to my email, I was reading through this one and that's like To me there. That's narcissists vibes, for sure, but that's borderline stalker vibes and the only thing that I can think of in terms of how they might get your location when you aren't sharing it is that they have close or mutual friends. Which is also why I say if you have mutual friends with a narcissistic individual, I would first have a conversation with them explaining the extent of the relationship and how it ended and if they chose to keep their friendship with that narcissistic individual, then I would, I would encourage you to no longer be friends with that person, because that narcissistic person will use that mutual friend to manipulate them and to do things like share your location.
Speaker 1:Again, it's with a narcissist. You have to remember that it's very much about control, right? They want to maintain control, they want to keep control, and one of the ways they can do that without having direct Interaction or contact with you is through a friend or through mutual friends. So that's the route that I would say that stalker, stalker mode, though Seriously it really is, and I don't play when it comes to stuff like that. So the more authentic version of me would tell you to make sure that you're carrying a Weapon of some sort to protect yourself from this narcissistic individual, because who knows where their behavior will shift to right. They might go from stalking and finding your location To trying to then physically abuse you or physically assault you. So when it gets, when the behaviors ramp it, ramp it up a little bit and it gets this intense. I always invite people to get a weapon to make sure they're safe. Right, go through the legal process, try to get a court order. Try to get documents to keep this person away from you. Right, restraining order is what I'm trying to say. Try to get this to keep this individual away from you, but then also realize that at the end of the day, you may need to get a weapon to protect yourself, and I'm all for that. I rather have you here and live in To tell your story, as opposed to not right, and there's plenty of evidence of that happening throughout our history.
Speaker 1:Question number three why would a narcissist suggest you go find somebody else and then get angry when you do find somebody else? Once again, that question is why would a narcissist suggest you go, you to go to find somebody else and then get angry at you when you do find somebody else? Classic narcissist 101 man like, oh, I don't need you. Oh, if you think you could find somebody better, if you think you can do better than go, then you go ahead and do better. And now they get angry at you and they want to Talk down on you or berate you in some way. Shape or form Classes narcissistic move. I can assure you this individual. They probably told you to go find somebody else with the idea or with the notion that you weren't gonna do it or it would be impossible for you to do so, and on that you've actually done it. The biggest dose of reality ever has hit them and now they're angry because you actually found somebody who may value you.
Speaker 1:Here's where my advice shifts from just giving some advice to Go from hearing this out of my voice to feeling this from me as a being right. The thing about it is. The thing about it is that we are. We're in a really really dangerous time. Right, we're in a really really dangerous time in that Individuals just feel like you don't have anybody else, you can't go anywhere else. They're all that you have. And I would invite you to double down or to Lean into that new person that you found, because you know what you're already gonna get from the narcissistic individual. You're gonna get a bunch of negativity. You're gonna get them putting you down Hopefully there's no verbal abuse or mental abuse running, running rampant or anything like that but you know what you're gonna get from the relationship with that narcissistic individual. So I would invite you to lean into that new relationship and lean into that new somebody and let the narcissist know hey, at the end of the day. I'll take you up on your advice. I went and found somebody who's who's better for me and who makes me feel a little more comfortable than you do, so I'm gonna lean into this relationship you.
Speaker 1:Question number four is my ex-narcissist going to eventually text me? I have gone no contact for two months. Once again, that question is is my ex-narcissist going to eventually text me? I have been no contact for two months. If you've gone no contact for two months and the narcissistic individual has not text you, chances are they moved on. A narcissist cannot go that long without texting you or having no contact with you. If they're still, if they still feel like they can manipulate you, could take advantage of you and can keep you under their wing, they're not gonna go no contact for that long and that's just being frank with you.
Speaker 1:So in this instance I would say they probably found a new supply. So a new supply for those who are new to the channel is an individual who is susceptible to the ways of the narcissistic individual and tends to do and follow whatever the narcissistic individual says. Right when a narcissist shifts from one relationship where they've pretty much been discovered to now a relationship in which they have a supply who's open and interested and think they're their savior. They tend to very much so go cold turkey or cut that previous relationship off with no hesitation or no issue, and that that happens in a very, very quick time frame. So I shared out with you to say that chances are if you've gone no contact with them for two months even I would say 30 days, to be honest with you if they've gone no contact for 30 days, chances are the individual has found a new supply, someone that's more susceptible to their ways, which isn't a bad thing, if you ask me. It's not a bad thing for you. It's an opportunity for you to properly move on. Now. If that person then comes back in the picture a couple more months down the line, just know and understand that they tried whatever maneuvers they they were going to try on that other individual or the other supply and it didn't work. So now they're coming back to try to feed off of you again. I'll say I said this before on my podcast. I'll say it again if you're ever fortunate enough to get out of a relationship with a narcissistic individual, I would never lean back into that relationship. I'd never re-engage on that level in any way, shape or form, because you're the winner in that situation.
Speaker 1:Question number five why do NARCs want you to forget every wrong thing that they ever did, but always bring up what you did wrong? Once again, that question is why do NARCs want you to forget everything they ever did wrong, but always bring up what you did wrong Again? I've said this before in a podcast, I'll say it again. I'll say it to him blue in the face when we talk about narcissistic individuals, they do not like being held accountable. Right, that is like the number one kryptonite for any narcissistic individual Is holding them accountable for their actions. So, the sooner that they can get off the topic of discussion of them being either Not accountable for their actions, manipulative, whatever the behavior is that you called out for that individual, they want that to go away. Right, they wanted to to appear as if they're perfect and they do no wrong. That's the first part of your question, right? And then for the second part, but always bring up what you did wrong. When they bring up what you did wrong, the the second piece is the victim hood. Right now, they shift to a space of being the victim, of being the one that's always being put down or talked to, and that's a manipulation Tactics to make you feel bad for them. Right, it makes you feel bad like, oh well, yeah, I guess I shouldn't have done this, or I guess I probably shouldn't have called them out of their name. In all the while, the narcissist in the back of their mind they're saying, yes, that's fantastic, I love it. Great, because now the pressure is off me and onto this individual and I also know that I still have them under my control in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 1:Question number six when does a narcissistic relationship fail? Once again, that question is when does a narcissistic relationship fail? A, a narcissistic relationship will always fail and this is probably. There's probably, there's a very few Chances that a narcissistic relationship will fail. The two instances that I can think of, clearly, number one is when they find a new supply Right. So when, when they feel like they've drained all of your energy, taking up all your energy, they found a new supply, they're shifting to that person. That's when the narcissistic relationship fails. The second instance in which a narcissistic relationship fail are when you hold them accountable and you don't bend or fold on. You hold them accountable. That will trigger get. Actually, it'll trigger the first one right. It'll trigger them saying okay, well, you know what, my tactics are no longer working on this individual. Let me shift and try to put them on another individual, put them into, put that energy into another person. Those are the two instances in which narcissistic relationship fail. Anything outside of that is just. It's going to be you Working in favor of the narcissistic individual and allowing yourself to be manipulated to be a part of their, of their web. I guess I would say there you have it, everyone. Those are the questions that we have for this evening.
Speaker 1:Don't forget those five ingredients to a lasting relationship. Number one is trust. Number two is communication. Communication, as in dialogue, that means you and your partner going back and forth, both of you listening, both of you actively listening and hearing the needs of your other partner. Number three is knowing your partner's love and apology languages, so not only knowing how to love on them, but knowing how to say sorry in a way that's beneficial to them and your relationship.
Speaker 1:Number four is adaptability, right, so, the ability to shift. With the ever-changing dynamics. At some point in time, something's gonna change in your relationship. Does your relationship have the adaptability to shift and change with it? And number five Unconditional acceptance. Accepting your partner for who they are, but knowing that they're working to become the best possible person they can be on a daily basis. Man, it's good to be back. Don't forget those questions. Get the. Don't forget to get those questions into TQLP to zero at gmailcom. Again, that's TQLP to zero at gmailcom and, as always, everybody that could hear my voice, remember the quality of love and relationships that you have in your life will determine the quality of your life, peace and love.